Spilling the Coffee Beans...

I have a love-hate relationship with coffee. I really don't like using the words love and hate just like that, but coffee is a big thing for me. When I was young it was always coffee flavored water you used to dip your Pan Dulce in, or your Maria brand crackers. (The way you would dunk your cookies in milk). We were a family of bread dunkers. If there was no bread then there was no coffee. 

So, the thing about coffee...

Coffee as a Social Thing

When I was twenty I was introduced to actually drinking coffee, and it became more serious. When I wasn't in school, I would spend time at a beauty shop owned by a lady who was in her sixties, and she had that shop for over 30 years, so she knew a lot of people. There were the regular clients that came for their appointment, as well as some who became friends with her and would visit just to visit. 

The one thing this lady always had in the little break room was a pot of coffee. Every client that ever came by was offered coffee, most of them accepted it and would stop by the break room to make their coffee. They'd sit and chat with curlers or tint in their hair, or a fresh new haircut while they sipped their coffee. It was like watching a group of men gathered outside a friend's house drinking beer after a day of work. It was a social thing.

Coffee to Keep Awake

I also started drinking coffee to stay awake. At some point I was traveling to and from college twice a week by train. I'd wake up at 4:30 in the morning to catch the bus to the train station, take the train, and then catch a bus from that train station to school. At this time I felt I NEEDED coffee. I drank it on the way to school, and I'd drink it sometime during the mid day to survive the rest of the day. Except when I was pregnant and nursing. I made sure I took care of drinking very little to no coffee. After nursing I went back to drinking it twice a day, but let me tell you it was awful! 

The Effects

When I would drink twice a day my energy was deteriorating, I noticed that I couldn't be there with my son. When my son was two I was going to school only in the mornings and then head home to be with him. He'd want to play but I was too tired. He would play around me while I laid down, resting my eyes. Then when I would finally get up I'd feel groggy with no energy and very guilt stricken. 

At the time though I did not make the connection of the caffeine to my energy. I attributed the low energy to my lack of sleep and school work. Now I know that low energy was also from the caffeine crash, and my lack of sleep was from the caffeine as well. So eventually I went to one morning cup a day.

Another thing I noticed about coffee...

If it's a really strong coffee my hands shake, sometimes my stomach gets queasy, I get a headache, and the worst would be feeling nauseous. Then I know that I went too far. I do believe you can "overdose" in caffeine. I can't handle strong coffees that is why I never drink coffee from Starbucks or McDonalds because my body just can't handle it. I think it always had this effect on me but I never paid attention to it until about eight years ago.

Also, I noticed that when I drink a strong coffee consistently, my finger joints ache. Mmmh. 

Coffee for its Taste...The End ?

Now, I enjoy drinking coffee because of its flavor. The earthy flavor seems to speak to my soul (too much?) I enjoy earthy flavors. I can only drink it once a day though. If I start drinking it past 10 in the morning then my sleep is ruined. 

My goal however is to eventually stop drinking coffee, for physical and mental health. I've tried quitting, but to no success. Now I simply say "I'm taking a break from it" which seems to go better. Sometimes it lasts for a few weeks, sometimes it last for a couple of months. By thinking that way I don't beat myself up for not going all the way. 

Coffee is my addiction. It could be worse.

(Wow, this is the longest post I've written)

How's your relationship with coffee?